How to survive a real marriage – not a fairy-tale one.

Isn’t it amazing when you see a couple totally in sync. The casual affection, the adoring eye contact, the whispered jokes. Well Nick and I have been married for six year now and that certainly doesn’t describe us. And do you know what, we wouldn’t even have it that way!

Nick and I are very different people in many ways, but that doesn’t stop us from understanding each other for who we are. We bicker, we laugh at ourselves (and each other), and we love each other more for the things we do have in common while respecting our differences. Personally, I’m happy when something is ‘good enough’, while Nick wants everything to be just right. I’m an early bird and Nick is a night owl. I do everything now, Nick does everything last minute. The list goes on.

We bicker a lot over these things, but at the same time we’re both obsessed with food, we both dream of a Cornish cottage and we’re both awkwardly loud in groups. We also compliment each other perfectly. Nick makes me stop and think when I would have rushed in blindly, while I kick him up the arse (metaphorically… most of the time) so that he’s not late for everything. Together, each of us are better people than we would be on our own. We may not work like a well-oiled machine, but when we set our minds to something we make one hell of a team… With my expert supervision of course.

So here are our tips for loving someone who makes you want to scream a pillow at least once a day:

1. Say sorry and move on. 

Arguments in our house are usually a result of our differences. Most of the time we can let things go or make a joke out of it, but sometimes, when we’ve had a bad sleep or a tough day, things disintegrate into a row. A little bit of space and a sincere apology go a long way. The key is to let it go and move on when apologies are exchanged. No grudges allowed. In our house it’s usually “I’m sorry. Now, what do you want for dinner?”.

2. Don’t expect perfection. 

As (mostly) normal humans, sometimes we get tired, grumpy or lazy (sometimes all three). We also have bad habits and bad moods, and if you live with someone you’ll get to see all of those things and you’re NEVER going to get rid of them. Example: I turn into a dictator every day when we leave the house and everything has to be done on my timeline…fun for all the family. Never gonna change (sorry Nick).

3. Shared projects. 

Everything above is down to the daily grind getting on top of us, and sometimes it’s easy to forget why you got together in the first place. To counter this, we always have a project on the go, whether it’s just chatting about where you want to be in five years, decorating a room or planning a weekend walk. It’s a constant reminder that we enjoy each other’s company, and a reminder that while the right now might be hard, the future can still hold so much.

4. Don’t take yourself too seriously. 

The ability to laugh at yourself, and at each other, brings light and happiness to any moment. When things get too serious, we usually end up taking the mickey out of each other. Regardless of whether we’re being romantic, angry or sad, it’s those moments that remind us of why we’re together – and that we’re both ridiculous and high maintenance. But most importantly, it reminds us that we’re there for each other. Those are the best moments.

5. Speak your mind.

It’s really important for us to stop every now and then and share why we appreciate each other. It’s easy to get bogged down in the daily to-do list, so we always say thank you for the little things and the big things. At the same time, the sooner you talk about the tough times the easier it is to help one another and understand what the other is feeling. Bottling stuff up never ends well. Talk. Talk. Talk.

What an amazing 6 years it’s been. When we got married we had no idea we’d be living the life we live now. We also couldn’t have predicted the horror we’ve survived. It’s honestly made us closer! He makes all my pipe dreams come true. 🥰

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